White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
