i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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