I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?