Just took my morning after pill in the library
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf