i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
