I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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