The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
