Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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