I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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