Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
