I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
