i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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