sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
