i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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