I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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