another moral hangover. fuck.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
