:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
