apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
