Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
