Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
