Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
