i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
