I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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