Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
