Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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