I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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