oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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