Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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