i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
