two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
