all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
