she told me i tasted like america
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
