my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
