Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
