I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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