I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't think brook has ever known best
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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