whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
