I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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