GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
