I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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