no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My pussy is not your playground.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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