I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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