Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
