..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
