I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
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Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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