I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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