hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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