There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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