Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
