only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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