So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
