I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
