Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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