do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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