I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
