dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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