You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
