During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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