my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
