we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
