Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
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Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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