This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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