The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
