Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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