I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
