Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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