Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
