she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize