Sry I called you an 8
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
