Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
