I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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