So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
