Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
